Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
