just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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