Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
