that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
