He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
