I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
