Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
