Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
