walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize