my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think people are normalizing furries
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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