ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
