we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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