She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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