I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
