I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
