I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
