You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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