I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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