just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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