in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
