i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
