don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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