She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
