I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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