So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize