I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
