After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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