we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
