ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
