My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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