So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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