I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
