Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
