OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
