Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize