he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
