I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
