seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
