uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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