Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
