it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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