My balls are so social today.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize