i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
