I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
