Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
