Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
