i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
