He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
