I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
