What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
