He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
