accomplished twins. life is a go
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
