Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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