Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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