He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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