My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
