If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
