The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
