Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
