I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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