wanna go halves on a baby?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
