google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
